50 Ways to annoy Morgana
by yaoifangirlHolly
Summary: Title speaks for itself really.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin or any of the characters.**

**50 Ways to Annoy Morgana Le Fey**

Flirt brazenly with Arthur in front of her.

If questioned on 1), say to her "Well, you had your chance."

Ask her if Uther gives her pocket money.

Ask her if she really does brush her hair all day.

Ask her if "Uther's ward" is a euphemism for "Uther's whore".

Tell her she doesn't have a chance with Arthur because he loves Merlin.

Ask her if she has a royalty fetish.

Ask her if she got off on Uther locking her in the dungeons.

Comment on the fact that she and Gwen seem to be very close.

Ask her if Gwen "comforts" her when she has a bad dream. Do this in front of Arthur and Uther if possible, in an innocent tone, but raising your eyebrows suggestively.

When Morgana is within earshot, ask Merlin if he knew that she and Gwen bathe together.

Tell Uther that Morgana has a crush on him.

Slip green dye into her shampoo.

Place her underwear somewhere Gaius will find it.

Tell Arthur Morgana has been calling out his name in her sleep.

Tell her you saw how she was with the Druid boy and you think she's getting a bit broody.

Ask her if she's jealous that Nimueh gets to play the "bad girl" and she doesn't.

Spread rumours that the Druid boy is Morgana and Arthur's secret love child.

Chisel small peep holes into her dressing screen.

Ask her if she liked Arthur's rat stew.

Tell her that Arthur has been having wet dreams and Uther wants her to talk to him about it.

Speculate that she seemed to enjoy wearing trousers a little too much when fighting Kanen and his men.

Comment on her bickering with Arthur then mention that you've heard that dislike often masks a subconscious sexual attraction.

Tell her you think there's a bug in her ear.

Wait until Merlin and Arthur are stood together talking then make a love heart shape in front of them with your fingers and thumbs and say "Ssh! Keep the magic secret!" Repeat.

Ask Morgana if she has seen Arthur's sword.

Pretend to be having a bad dream then wake up with a start and gasp – "That beautiful dress will be sold tomorrow?!/I'm going to chip a nail?!" and look horror stricken.

Tell her that Merlin handles Arthur's sword every day. Say – "Jealous?"

Ask her whether she prefers princes or kings in front of Merlin and Gwen.

Tell Uther Morgana wants a pony. Make sure she is within earshot when you do this, then add in a lower hushed voice – "I think she's trying to distract herself from her feelings for Arthur."

Mimic her handwriting and scribble "Mrs Morgana Pendragon" all over a piece of paper, then leave it somewhere for Uther and Arthur to find.

Feed her favourite dress to the dragon.

Every time you get into an argument with her about something, say "Well it doesn't matter what you think because Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin!"

Write "Morgana loves Uther" in lipstick all over her dressing table mirror. Make sure Gwen sees it before Morgana does.

Tell her in a sympathetic tone that you "understand that she chose Uther, after all, Arthur and Merlin love each other, as do Gwen and Lancelot, and that only leaves Uther as no one would go for Gaius...it's alright to take what you can get."

Tell her you think she has an Oedipus complex and is using Uther as a replacement father figure which is why she feels conflicted about her sexual desire for him.

To confuse her, ask her if she's had any dreams about Arthur and knights around a square table.

Ask to see her fairy wings ("Le Fey" means "of the fairies" for those of you who don't know).

Sexy dance with Arthur in front of her.

Put leeches in her bed.

Approach her with a list and ask if you can put her down as attending Merlin and Arthur's wedding.

For added effect, after 41), also hint that you're sure Lancelot will come back for Gwen, and wherever you can drop marriage into the conversation to make her feel like the only single person.

Tell her that Uther prefers blondes.

Leave a red neckerchief/scarf for her to find, then when she wears it, say loudly "Wearing a red neckerchief like Merlin does won't make Arthur love you, Morgana!"

Wait until the next time she tells Arthur she has a bad feeling about something, then jump out and say "Yeah! It's called indigestion, you spoilt little rich girl!"

Tell her purple makes her look fat.

Stick a "knight me" sign on her back.

Mess up her chair leg so that when she sits down in front of everyone in the royal court, it breaks.

Ask her to rate the knights of Camelot, including Arthur, out of ten for handsomeness. Write down what she says, then give it to the knights or leave it somewhere for them to find.

Tell her you know that she only ran out to warn Arthur straight after her bad dream because she wanted him to see her in her nightclothes.


End file.
